Friday, May 22, 2009

Photoshop Friday

Today, I would like to elaborate on an analogy that has been forming in my mind. I call it:


Imagine a large castle with vast grounds, surrounded by a large stone wall. Here, let me give you a visual:
That shining castle of beauty and joy and laughter and magnificence is called is called PUBLICATION CASTLE. Ah yes, we all know it well. To enter those hallowed walls is to know success. But how does one get there?

As you can see from the picture, in order to even approach Publication Castle, one must first pass through THE WALL. (Imagine Gustov Holt's Mars playing right now. Open a tab and listen to it on YouTube if you aren't familiar with the tune. It really works so perfectly in this section.)

What is that wall, you ask? Oh, but don't we all know? When I mentioned that wall, didn't a part of you deep inside weep in horror? Yes. THE WALL. Otherwise known as Querying.

When I think of querying, I see people, thousands and thousands of people, throwing themselves against the outer wall, clamoring, stampeding over each other, desperate for that narrow chance to get inside.
Look at them. Can't you hear the sounds of their desperation? (P.S. If you think I sound condescending, just remember that this is where I am right now.)All they can do is gaze up at the top of the wall and hope that someone will throw down a rope. And who is that someone?*No offense intended to all you glorious agents out there. I really do love you. More than you know. (Call me.)

But, say one of those guards does throw you a rope and pull you out of the teeming masses outside the wall, the battle still isn't over. Publication Castle is still a shining, glorious structure in the distance. And you are still on the outside looking in. But, you are closer than ever. A glance around the COURTYARD OF THE AGENTED reveals nervous smiles, impatient fidgeting, and semi-smug mingling. Everyone is happy to be inside, but no one wants to stay there forever. All eyes are on the Castle.

And then one day, it happens. A servant from in the inner court strolls out and magnanimously points to you. You've been chosen. You will enter PUBLICATION CASTLE. Oh the joy! The rapture! You have no idea what sumptuous delights await you within those glittering walls, but you are more than ready to find out. After everything you've been through to get here, anything sounds good. And hey, who knows, you may just end up at the cool kid's table.


Kiersten said...

Okay, the photoshopped heads? I laughed out loud. I almost never do that.

You funny, funny girl.

I'm kinda sick of this courtyard, to tell you the truth. Wish I could throw the rope over for you and Nat so at least I could have more company.

Natalie said...

Hehe. Hoho. Teehee. That was great.

That is one awesome cool kids table.

Kierst, yeah, it's a shame you don't have the rope. That would be awesome.

Becca said...

Pure brilliance Ren.

However, I understand that in the "courtyard of the agented"...they occasionally point to people and send them to the "tower of the damned" aka - the torture chamber where you are taunted with publication...but ultimately never achieve it.

So have hope fair maiden....I believe that once you get past the'll have a one way ticket to the feast. Its just gettting past that damn wall :)

Ps...I finally was able to print your book (I sneakily printed 15 pages at a time, over a whole work day - so no one would get suspicious -haha) Anyhoo, and I think I am gonna take it to it on the plane. Seeing how I am less than 2 weeks away now (and honestly feeling overwhelmed with all the final school grading and trip preparation s I have to do).

Pps... whats this new book idea?? :)

Lady Glamis said...

Oh my goodness you crack me up! This is an awesome analogy. A sad truth, unfortunately, that this such a tough, silly thing to acquire.

Renee Collins said...

Kiersten-Yeah! You could be the one to break the rules. Just sneak up onto the top of castle wall and toss us a rope ladder. You'd be the hero!

Natalie-It's the YA writer's clique. They are so dreamy.

Becca-The Tower of the Damned, I totally should have put that in there. :)

Also, I'm so excited that you printed my book. Definitely read it before you get to Greece, because I'm pretty sure that it will totally suck in comparison to the Mediterranean. So, enjoy it before your standards for enjoyability go sky high. :)

P.S. I laughed at your sneaky way of printing my book. You sly thing!

Michelle-Thanks :) And it's true, the difficulty of this business is on a pretty medieval level. :)

Miriam S.Forster said...

I love castles! But it is hard to be hanging out waiting. Do you know where we could get some of those siege ladders?

Anonymous said...

As of right now, I'm just hanging out in the surrounding forest, eyeing the masses outside the wall and wondering when I'm going to join them. But honestly, fighting that crowd looks like so much work. Isn't there a hidden back door somewhere or a secret passage inside?

Renee Collins said...

Miriam-We seriously need to get a hold of some. Wouldn't it be great? I can see us, pouring into the courtyard, storming the castle. Yeah. Awesome.

Or maybe Candice has the right idea. We just dig a tunnel directly into the castle. It's genius!

( *sigh* if only. :) )

Kasie West said...

LOL So true, so true. Sigh. That castle better be awesome.

Terri Tiffany said...

Wow do you have an imgagination!! LOL Love the "call me" to the agents!! Great analogy:))